Hard Life Lessons from (or for?) an Elder Artist, Part I

***In order to protect the privacy of V the artist, no photos will be used in this series of blog posts***

I am a true believer that people come into our lives for a purpose. Sometimes, it's more like a lesson. Sometimes it's our lesson. Sometimes, it's theirs.

Other times, both.

I met V years ago, when I was still burning the candle at both ends, juggling working full-time with single parenting and the idea that if I kept striving and pushing hard enough, I'd become well-known  for my art.  It was exhausting, and seems so futile now when I reflect upon it, but I was less than five years out of art school and still identifying strongly with the struggling artist ideology so drilled into me there. And my hard work paid off; I enjoyed successes such as selling work, receiving commissions, having solo shows, being a part of group shows, and having my art featured in publications. Once I even sunk a ton of money into a line of greeting cards that were picked up by a prestigious shop in Atlanta.

In the midst of all of this, I met V and her husband. Both artists in their late 60s, they were an eccentric couple who had lived a nomadic, bohemian lifestyle supporting themselves solely by art-making, sacrificing a lot of the now for the hope of fame and fortune in the future. Their paintings were nothing short of masterpieces; they both possessed dynamic technical skill and vision. Visiting their home made me feel like I was in the presence of true artistic genius. I listened to stories of their lives and romanticized it all.

They left the area after a short time, when my son was about four. In the years that followed, I discovered yoga and knitting, almost simultaneously, and my entire perspective on life, art, and creativity shifted. That's a blog for another day. Though I am much, much happier now, occasionally I've had twinges of doubt about the complete skin shedding I did during this time.

Enter V back into my life. 6 months ago, I received a surprising email. She was back in the area and had been for some time. Her husband, sadly, had passed away unexpectedly at the age of 72. V was living alone in a rural area about an hour's drive from me.

Alone, with about 50 paintings and dozens upon dozens of drawings for company.

I wasted no time visiting her, but was disheartened by what I found. Because the couple held out for fame, they had bypassed possible fortune - or at least living wages - many times, refusing to sell art for less than 4 or 5-figure prices or accept commissions. Jobs in creative fields were turned down. When V's husband died, they were channeling most of their energy into being 'discovered'. Both the creating of the work and the attempts to market it took a lot of time, so there was not much left over for things like making friends and building relationships with other artists, often essential networking in the field. V readily admits that the two of them isolated themselves from the rest of the world. Just one another and art - it would have sounded like a dream to the 20-something me.

The reality, however, is far from dreamy. V is struggling now, emotionally and physically. They chose not to have children so they could dedicate themselves entirely to art and often insulated themselves from others in the community. Her small social security income is barely enough to live on, yet she manages somehow.

But the paintings! A lifetime of work, the stunning result of the couple's sacrifice, now line the walls of a ramshackle trailer in a rural Southern town, never seeing the light of day. V currently pours all her efforts into writing to celebrities and asking them to take the collection and host a retrospective show in return for ownership of the art. It's a last attempt to find the fame and fortune they strove so hard for. I asked if having lived the life she wanted, having been able paint as a her sole line of work, and having a half-century joyful marriage to her soul mate and a lifetime of travels and creativity together wasn't something to reflect and be grateful for now, and she shook her head. "If no one takes this art and hosts a show, if no one makes a book or movie about our lives...then it was all a waste. Our sacrifices will be all for nothing."

It breaks my heart to think that it never occurred to either V or her husband that working hard and making sacrifices is no guarantee of fame. She never saw the risk, only the ideal that if one works hard enough, anything is possible. Clearly, they believed. Now the reality of saving this large body of work is weighing heavily on her small, frail shoulders. She wants desperately to leave her current lonely residence, but she can't afford to move and feels she must maintain a space for the paintings. When I talked to her about splitting up the work and donating it among collectors and foundations so that she might be freed of it's burden, she adamantly refused. The dream, this combined vision that she and her husband shared, is just too dear to her to let go of. At least right now.

Recently a friend sent me a fantastic article titled "The Death of the Artist and the Birth of the Creative Entrepreneur." The 20-something me would never have accepted a word of it, but in maturity I can easily see how much of it rings true. When V asked me to find an article for her about the current state of art in America, I shared this one. She stopped reading it halfway through because she didn't agree with it. She couldn't agree with something that negates every choice, every sacrifice, every intention behind every brush stroke that she and her husband made. It reminds her, too painfully perhaps, that there might have been another way.


...to be continued

Working Less, Living More - Our Lazy Summer

I recently made the following post on my Facebook account: "I've been pretty mum about this because it's so exciting, but for the first time in five years, I will not be working in summer!!!! Whoop whoop! That doesn't mean I won't be busy however; two university courses and about a dozen projects - one is testing this Ylva Li sweater pattern by Saga Hein, which I'm very stoked about!"

And here is the beautiful sweater...

A friend made the following comment: "2 University courses and a dozen projects, being a Mom, knitting plus the normal day to day necessities is a "lazy summer?" I had to laugh! I suppose it sounds busier than I imagined because normally I do most of those things along with working a full 40-50 hour workweek. And I'm not complaining, not at all. This is normal life for us, and it's a good one because I've found a balance between it all. However, it is somewhat both thrilling and intimidating to have a full summer off. While the freedom will be amazing, I'm accustomed to additional income during the summer months, so choosing not to work will be a bit of a sacrifice...but it's time to enjoy a summer just for us. 

Summer is the only time I can indulge in a dream I never accomplished, which is being a full-time mom and homemaker. Yeah, it doesn't sound very feminist, but I've grown to see that when it is a choice made with the best interests of the family at heart, it can be a beautiful thing. The distraction of work can be tremendous to a parent. The first five summers of my son's life, I totally indulged in being home with him for those months. They were sacred; I wouldn't have dreamed of working. By the fifth summer, however, I was feeling the financial pinches of raising a child solo. I began teaching summer camps because I could take my son along with me. The extra money helped, we were able to travel and do many fun things...but the summers would slip away, caught up in a stream of balancing fun with work, feeling like regular weeks.

I don't regret any of it. We traveled abroad, had amazing experiences, and I was able to take my son along with me to job sites. As this summer rolls around, however, I'm wildly excited by the prospect of the one thing money can't buy - time. Precious, amazing time to simply live. Be. To devote myself to my family and home. The older I get, the more interested I become in simple living. When talking with a co-worker earlier this week on this subject, I expressed it as 'learning to live on less so that I can work less and live more.' It's a process I've been doing for quite some time, and this summer is the first real experience in exercising that philosophy.

And this philosophy will be the gist of my summer blog postings. I recently ordered the book The Spiritual Tasks of the Homemaker by Manfred Schimdt-Brabant and am waiting anxiously on it's arrival. Learning to see the day-to-day as a spiritual, zen-like experience of being alive in this world is, I believe, a first step off the rat race that has us believing we always need to be doing, seeing, experiencing and accomplishing more. 

I'm excited to see how our lazy summer unfolds; thanks for joining us for the ride!

Friends Near and Far

During the time of my birthday, a gift mailed to me by my friend Cassandra did not show up for several weeks. She was so concerned about this that she sent out another gift to replace the missing one. Of course, the new gift, which was monetary, arrived on the same day that the lost gift finally found it's way to my mailbox! When I messaged her to let her know both had arrived and I was happy to send back the second gift, she insisted I keep it, citing our friendship, which has spanned almost two decades, as being worth more than the price of any present.

What followed was a sudden texting flurry of  'I'm so glad we're friends' gushing that lasted for at least a half-hour and warmed my heart. The kicker here, however, is that I've never actually met Cassandra in person. In almost twenty years, our friendship has been maintained solely by hand-written correspondence and occasional text messaging.

During this busy holiday time, I'm very grateful for friends like her, both near and far. At the post office Wednesday to mail holiday packages, I felt a rush of excitement knowing all of our gifts would soon be on their way to so many friends far away. This morning, I packaged up small handmade gifts to exchange when my knitting group has our annual holiday gathering later this week. It will be a Tasha Tudor themed gathering, with gifts and treats all handmade/homemade, and it was so much fun to wrap the items up and began making treats to share,

It's so much fun to have my friends here, in my home, celebrating the holidays with us! Just as it is fun to anticipate Christmas packages from friends I don't see often enough, or maybe, like Cassandra,  have never seen at all! 

Friends bring such an added blessing to our lives, and this is never more evident than during the holidays! While our families provide our roots and our support system as we're growing and learning to make our way in the world, I feel it is our friends who give us the wings we need to fly out and explore. Our friends are often the ones who encourage us to get out there and live our one and only wild and precious lives, to not be afraid of change, to keep our minds and hearts open...

It takes much effort in the course of our busy lives to connect with others, but it is so essential and vital to our happiness and well-being. It's easy to get so caught up with our work, families and home that we forget the importance of friendships, which do take time and energy to maintain, but the time and energy is so worth it! 

If there is a friend you've been meaning to write, talk with, or visit, the holiday season is the perfect time! Send a card, call to say hello, or bake a batch of Christmas cookies and drop them by!

 'Tis the season, after all!

I've chosen to illustrate this post with pictures from a birthday gathering held for me by my friend Virginia at her lovely home this past October. 

~ Amy

Oh Happy Days...Holidays and Birthdays

It was a big week, with the Thanksgiving Holiday festivities! Seeing family and friends, and cooking the turkey for only the second time ever!

I delighted in serving it on this vintage platter, a treasured gift from a friend. It had been in his family for decades, and I love that it's now a part of our celebrations and traditions as well!

But this weekend also had another very special day - my son's tenth birthday party! We spent 'Black Friday' not out shopping with the masses (most of our gifts are either already wrapped and under the tree or handmade items in various stages of completion!) but getting the house ready for a party! Just like we're committed to keeping the holidays a simple, stress free time, we wanted to keep the birthday party low-key and stress free as well. Still, there was much preparation to be done, including leaf-print banners...

Remember that little house on the right...

...and making my son's favorite hummingbird cake...

The little train cake topper has been with us about six years now!

A bit of glitter makes anything festive, even newsprint and the brown paper insert from a wrapping paper roll! Yaay simple, fun, handmade decor!

We were thrilled that our little Tomten, Ingrid, arrived from Audrey Eclectic just in time for the party!

And shortly after lunch, we welcomed family and a few friends as well! Our cozy little home was bursting at the seams, but it was wonderful!

My sweet niece and her beau make a cute couple, don't they?
 

Singing birthday songs!

Opening gifts!

Cousins!

There's that little house from earlier picture!
My son painted it for my parents as an early Christmas gift! 

Friends who are like family are so special!

776 pieces of fun, heh heh!!

It was such a happy day, following the happiness and celebration of gratitude that is Thanksgiving, and then followed by the first Sunday of Advent, which heralds in the magic and wonder of the coming winter holidays!

This year's Advent calendar, a gift from afar!

 I can't image that ten years have passed so quickly since the day of my son's birth...or who I was before I became a mother. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I can honestly say I am so grateful for this journey, this life, friends, family and the work that I have now.

Holidays and birthdays are times to be filled with loved ones being together, good nourishing food, traditions, memories being made...such important moments in our lives! It has been a wonderful holiday break here in South Carolina! Going back to work after five happiness-filled days of holiday break has me ready for the next few weeks! I'll be back soon with a new installment on my Setting Reasonable Goals series and also sharing a favorite Southern pumpkin pie recipe for your holiday feasting!

Happy Monday!
Amy

Sharing Something Good...Free eBook, Zen Habits, Letting Go, and More

About a year ago, I came upon something very good...it's called Zen Habits. A few times a week, there's a post in my inbox from Leo Baubata, creator of Zen Habits. What I love most about his writing is the 'realness' of it. He has no ego at all associated with his work, even to the point that all of his writing is copy-right free in order to encourage sharing.

 

His honesty is touching and his way of detailing the experiences that led him to make certain choices is refreshing. His post on children and minimalism especially moved me, since I have taken this approach with my own son and receive more than a bit of criticism from people who can't understand the lifestyle. Minimalism with one child may be a lifestyle choice to promote well-being and the quality of life we desire, but with six children I believe it would be a necessity! I loved the post and it inspired me to continue on the path of minimalism that is working so well for my son and I right now.

 Leo Baubata's commitment to helping others through his words and experiences, however, has never been more evident to me than with his recent release of the free - FREE - ebook, The One Skill. This eBook is available in bite-sized pieces you can have sent to your inbox at regular intervals, or downloaded all at one time. Not only is it free, it is also copy-right free so that you can use and share with others!

 

I can not say enough about this work. I have not always known how to let go. A few years ago, I created the The Boldness Initiative blog in order to help myself, and maybe as result, help others, learn to let go and live boldly, even when life does a 360 on us. However, many of those blogs were fueled by hurt and anger as I struggled to come to terms with a new normal. I wish I'd had The One Skill back then!! It takes having to let go to learn to let go, however, and it's far from an overnight process.

What I love about The One Skill, which I downloaded, read all in one stretch, then came back to for pondering and reflection, is that he identifies the many types of loss and how the depth of experience is relevant to the person having the experience. In other words, no loss is greater or smaller than another, and even letting go of little things is very important skill to have.

 

Much of the suffering we inflict upon ourselves in life is rooted in our own expectations of how we think a situation, or a relationship, or a career or even the personalities of our children should be. It's so hard not to form expectations, however! I try hard not to yet I still do it, even at times with small things. Last year, we had significantly greater rainfall than typical and most of the plants in my garden rotted at the roots. There was precious little harvest from all that spring toiling, and it was a great disappointment. Though I like to believe I live in the moment without expectation, I planted those seeds and plants fully expecting to enjoy their bounty, and was greatly disappointed to lose not only the plants, but the ideal or expectation I'd built up about having them. I do not need, at this point in my life, to feed myself from my own garden, but I sure was in love with the idea of doing that! I had to let go of that ideal, that dream, and sometimes for me that is the hardest part!

However, my own experiences letting go in big and small ways are what make me appreciate Leo Baubata, his writing, and The One Skill so much. We can not usually predict or prevent small or big losses from happening to us, but we are in complete control of how we choose to react to them. It is so easy to wallow in self-pity, become bitter, depressed, even selfish and cling to a 'walking wounded' identity when bad things happen, and this to me is the worst possible outcome of not being able to let go. I'm not proud to say I've done it before, however. I think we all have at some point. That is why learning to let go is not a catch phrase of this era, but a valuable life skill.

If you are struggling with this, please download The One Skill here and let Leo Baubata's writing help you on your journey of learning to let go. Part of my struggle in past was that I didn't want to let go and accept changes, and that is so futile and harmful! I love the way it is addressed in this free (again, free!) ebook The One Skill. Kindly and gently but still directly enough so we know there simply is no other way. When life does a 360 on us, we have to let go and keep moving on, otherwise we do ourselves and possibly others great harm while life is moving on around us!

Please visit www.zenhabits.net for much, more more wise words on everything from marriage and relationship to eating healthier! I love this blog so much, and I think you will love it, too!

** I decided to illustrate this blog primarily with photos taken in my garden last night, since last year's gardening experience is referenced in my writing! As a way maybe of showing there is always more chance and life and new dreams do go on after loss!